I was with the group that day when we walked away but I wasn’t with the group that day when we walked away. Those sincere words of affirmation that day resonated deep into my core. The power of affirmative words is immeasurable, especially in a kid’s life.
It was years ago in the winter of 1985. It was a regular school day and I was in my 8th Grade, third period English class. My teachers name was Ms. Mills. She was the tall, blonde hair, blue eyes type with a pretty face and figure to match. She always dressed nice, smelled good and always had control of her class while she wore a big smile on her face, but not this day. I was seated at the middle of the class room in my desk. I was actually leaning back in my desk with the back two feet only touching the ground. Suddenly, I reached what I call the point of no return. This is the point where you’ve gone passed the center-balance line and you’re chair is destined to make a connection with the ground. I fell over and made a loud crashing noise and the entire class burst into laughter except for two people, me and Ms. Mills. She quickly stood up and regained control of the class with these words, “Ok class, settle down!” and then she looked over at me with those piercing blue eyes and said, “Come see me after class Mr. Crawford.” The whole class responded with an ominous, “Ooooooo…”
At this point, I wasn’t really shook up about what she said, but I was shook up by the name she used when she said it. She called me “Mr. Crawford”. At this stage of my life the only person that called me that name was my dad and it was almost always right before he gave me a good-old-fashioned butt whooping. So needless to say, I was immediately terrified. This was during the time when Texas schools had the “corporal punishment” rules allowing teachers and administrators to administer paddlings to disruptive kids in the classroom. As a result, I was expecting one of three things to happen. Either I was going to get a paddling by Ms. Mills after class, or she was going to call my dad and he would do the honors when I got home, or both she and he would get me. From that moment on I don’t remember what we studied in class that day, but I do remember the second hand on the wall clock suddenly becoming audible.
I used to associate the ringing of the class bell with the sound of freedom, but not this day. The ringing of the bell suddenly started and the beating of my heart suddenly stopped. I remember my so-called friends walking by my desk whispering, “Ooooo, she’s gonna tear your booty up.” along with other snide comments. I took my sweet little time gathering my books so-as to delay the moment of the inevitable paddling.
I then approached Ms. Mills’ desk and immediately started to make my pathetic plea for leniency and if you would’ve been there, you would’ve heard her abruptly cut me off and say something that, even if I live to be 100 years old I will never forget. She said, “Shut up and just listen. There’s a time and place for everything we do in life and today wasn’t the time or the place for what you did. Cedric, you’re a very smart boy and you can do great things in this world with your gifts, if you choose to do great things in this world with your gifts.” She continued tell me a few things about what I could expect from the “real world” and the next levels of education. Then she told me that my gifts would take me places in life if I learned how to turn them on and turn them off when needed. Then she said, “You’re dismissed.”
I must admit that I was so dumfounded in that moment that you could’ve knocked me over with a feather. That day she gave me much more than any paddling or harsh word could have ever done for me. She gave me something that I had never really received before from someone who didn’t share my same last name. She gave me the gift of Affirmation. She affirmed something in me that I didn’t see in myself at the time. When I was expecting her worst, she in turn chose to leverage the moment for “good” and gave me her best, and it changed me.
As I said, “Thank You” and hurried out of her class room, my friends were waiting outside the door, listening for the ominous sound of a butt being swatted by a paddle. I flung the door open and they immediately said, “What happened?” I simple replied, “Nothing. She let me go.” My friends where upset that I got away with something they felt they would’ve paid for dearly. Yes in deed, I may have walked away with the group that day, but I was no longer mentally with the group that day. Those sincere words of affirmation resonated deep into my core. The power of affirmative words became real for me and I’ve never forgotten it.
Our words can be used to build people up, or tear people down. We must be ever-careful about what we say, when we say it and how we say it, for if done correctly, it can quite possibly alter someone’s life for the better. It did for me. Who do you need to affirm today? NO need to answer out loud, just make me proud. Let’s make it GREAT!
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I created this Valentines Day card for my bride and I had one leftover so I thought I would give it to you. Actually, studies show that keeping your partners emotional and physical needs a priority is one of the key ingredients to making the marriage formula work long term.
